Tag: dick

Rise of the Skywalker

Are you kidding me?

Someone kick me in the nuts please , because I think I’m dreaming. Did the new Star Wars trailer just come out and is it really called, Rise of the Skywalker?!

Way to spit in the face of the Star Wars fans Disney – I mean you killed fucking Luke in the last movie, after raping him in the ass with spiky cucumbers in the Last Jedi. I know it has its fans, but I’m not one of them. The Last Jedi can suck my stubby dick.

When the new Star Wars trailer dropped on Friday, I had no idea. I remember counting down the day for the Last Jedi trailer – I couldn’t wait to see what would happen next in the new Star Wars films having loved The Force Awakens. Sure it wasn’t a perfect film, but compared to the Last Jedi, its fucking Gone with the Wind!

But I watched the trailer and wasn’t surprised to find all the nuggets to get the Star Wars fan base excited. Flash of old ass Lando and then end the trailer with the Emperor’s laughter – boom, bang, got’em!

You didn’t get me.

First, Land does nothing for me. I know he’s in the movie just to put asses in seats, because Disney knows they need some good old fashioned nostalgia! You know what they should have done, have the original cast reunite in the first fucking movie!!! How cool would have been to see the original heroes back in black and kicking First Order ass? You can introduce new characters around them, not bring them in only to kill them off one by one.

When I heard the Emperor’s laugh, I cringed. I swear the only way they can market these movies and to drum up money after the Last Jedi is throw in everything to get the nerds wet.

Well I’m not biting Disney.

The Last Jedi killed this new trilogy for me personally and will probably pass on seeing this one on the big screen. The movie that has me most excited this year is a zombie, comedy called THE DEAD DON’T DIE. That looks good. So does the new Tarantino movie, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. Those movies can have my money – but Star Wars: Rise of the Skyfucker can fuck the hell off.

#notmystarwars

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The “Wretched” Black Listed

My novel, at the time of writing this piece, has been black listed by Barnes and Noble. They have given me no explanation to their hasty decision to remove my book from their website after being previously approved.

As a young writer, imagine how excited I was to see my book being offered on Barnes and Noble. I told everyone to check it out. I screamed it from the roof tops until my neighbors called the police (the bastards).

It was on the site for one day.

One.

My publisher and I both believe it was because of the controversial cover, which pokes fun at the Satanic Bible. Besides a small, purple dildo in the far left hand corner, there isn’t anything that vile about the cover – nothing worthy of being black listed from their website. I saw a book being sold there called “Not your Phocking Motivational Coach,”by Jenna Jameson showing a man sticking his face in his teacher’s ass.

Let me repeat that in case you missed it – a man sticking his head in his teacher’s ass!

My book is not okay, but that is perfectly fine to be sold in their stores. And there are other examples.

The novel “Snuff” by Chuck Palahniuk has a sex doll’s mouth on the cover and follows a woman experiencing her first gang bang (its a good book). They sell Hentai books like this one and a book called the “Haunted Vagina,” but my book about redemption and forgiveness is too vile, too disgusting to be sold on their precious platform.

When they have a book called, “Big Dicked Woman Meets the Man with a Vagina,” they lose all fucking creditably.

So please continue to support my novel over on Amazon. At least they got balls.

And so it goes.